I have come to the realization that i do not like my family. I mean, i guess i love them, but i wouldn't ever choose to hang out with them. They don't like me most of the time. It seems like whenever i am home i am getting yelled at for things i didn't do, or did and wasn't supposed to or whatever. Amazing how i am just supposed to magically know what i am and am not supposed to do. I am not perfect, i know that. I also never claimed to be. So when they are yelling at me and telling me that they know what i am thinking or when i am being talked down to...thats when i just want to haul off and go all crazy on them. I want to be able to yell right back at them without being threatened. But i don't. I just get frustrated because they won't even listen to my side of anything. They won't give me a chance to explain. They assume they know everything and fuck everything else. Ugh! I get so FRUSTRATED! sorry for my language. It unfortunately happens some times. I am working on that.
I honestly don't think my mom would care if i fell off the face of the earth and she never saw me again. My mom is one of those people who has time for everyone. Except me. She has time for every person at my church, she is heavily involved in multiple bible study groups, along with writing a curriculum for one, plus taking my brothers everywhere they need to go, plus being there for everybody else in the world.and that hurts. I mean, my mom and i haven't really ever been close. I know after this long of her not overly being involved in my life, i shouldn't be this easily upset, but i feel like i have a right to be. I would have expected this kind of thing from my dad, but not my mom.
Work...i do not like it at all, i mean i am really happy that i have a job and it pays for my bills and a little more but i am so tired of the DRAMA, i mean, come on girls, we are all out of school! Everyone is so petty, and they wonder why i don't hang out with them anymore...i have enough stress in my life without them adding to it.
Anyways. I am out for the night~
