My day today was kind of okay, long it seemed. I woke up at 8 something for church but was tired so i went back to sleep, i know i am a heathen :O Oh well, i woke up again around 10 and felt a lot better than i have in several days or weeks...after i woke up, i took a shower and got ready for my day. Then i headed to a family Easter dinner (just a couple of weeks early) it was okay, i got to play with my future niece and nephew which was fun. I like kids, as long as they are other peoples, lol. Someday maybe i will want one but right now they freak me out. Anyways, it was good to see them. After they left i got super bored and super easily annoyable. I think i have like a hyper sensitivity problem. Sometimes noises seem extra loud and lights seem extra bright and it drives me crazy. That happened today, so i just sat there kind of bored and frustrated and such. I felt like a jerk and a bitch but...i couldn't help it. I just sat there quiet. I frustrate myself sometimes when i am like that. I don't know how to change it. Sometimes i wish i could just make myself be happy and sociable, but i get to the point sometimes where i just want to be alone, left to my own tortuous mind. But it seems like whenever i want to be like that, people always want to be around me. Ugh! Then, when i try to leave, i feel like a monster because the people want to be with me. I am so fucking selfish sometimes.
Tomorrow i have to work all day and that is gonna suck majorly, but i guess i have to think of the money. More money means i get to leave it all sooner. Hopefully. Although sometimes it also seems like it means more bills.
If i could do anything in the world...i like to think i would do something amazing. I don't think i would though. I think i would just want to do nothing, travel maybe, see the world, disappear to never be seen again. I would become a legend...the girl who left her home to never be found...lol. That would be great.
I keep 3 blogs, not very steadily. In fact i don't remember the last time i wrote on one of them, but that one is my poetry blog and i think i am gonna head over there after this entry is done. I think writing in poem form helps my brain put things into order. I have been doing it for years, i started back when i was so depressed and suicidal and it really helped me. I wrote a ton of stuff back then, its pretty bleak, dark stuff. You can definitely tell i was depressed at the time. Writing really helped me out though, without that outlet things would have been even worse for me. Anyways, i am out of this one for now so i can go write on my poetry one before i lose my inspiration. Ciao!
No comments:
Post a Comment