I woke up this morning feeling awful. Like i had a hangover, but i don't drink so i know that wasn't it. When i don't sleep enough, i sometimes become exhausted, and when that happens, i become physically sick. Its pretty awful, today wasn't so bad. Mostly i just felt like somebody was pounding on my head with a hammer, rather relentlessly. So i stayed underneath my covers, in my dark bedroom all day, pretty much. I managed to go downstairs for awhile, watched a little tv, then went back to sleep. Right now my head doesn't hurt quite so bad, which is why i am even able to be online at the moment. My whole body aches and i don't know why. So frustrating! I hate feeling this way, i just wish i could not have the need for sleep. Maybe i should become half robot, and then not need to sleep... yay for cyborgs!
My music is playing at the moment, obviously, and i have to say... my playlist is extremely random. However, i cannot live without music, and sometimes i am a random person, so i suppose it makes sense, somehow.
So, it turns out, i get to go to South Carolina with my Grandma, for a wedding, and i am pretty pumped about that. I have never seen the ocean, and i'm really hoping that will get to. Unfortunately, this trip will involve going to a wedding, which i normally find boring. I'm really hoping my Grandma doesn't make me dance. She tends to guilt trip me into doing things, although i can typically avoid them, i'm not sure if i'll be able to avoid this one. Mostly because she would get her relatives to help her. It is my mom's cousins wedding. I haven't seen Tom in probably 5 years. I haven't the slightest idea who all i will know there, but maybe i will be able to skip out on the wedding early and just go work on my tan or something. I am hoping to be able to even get a tan. Anything is possible, right? I plan on spending lots of time outside that weekend, trying to get some sun. I need a haircut too, i really, really need to call Tiff, to get it worked on. I am also thinking of adding pink back into my hair, it was fun, and i liked it. Regardless of what everybody else thought. Unfortunately it stays in my hair for a very long time. I think it was a week or two before thanksgiving that i dies it last, and it just left a few weeks ago.. so yeah, a long time. Emily told me i am not allowed to dye it again by myself though, so if i do i will have to have her do it for me. Apparently she was not a fan. Oh well, it was fun :D
I am talking to my friend Miles right now, about some pretty heavy stuff. Unforunately, we are talking via facebook chat. As the majority of people know.. facebook chat is moronic. We are talking about heaven and hell, religion in general. I asked her soe questions that have been on my mind lately. It turns out she hasn't got the answers either. I hadn't ever really thought about some stuff, until a few days ago, when it was brought to my attention. It just makes me think about why i believe God is real, and why the God i worship is the real one. So many people, from so many religions believe the same thing. That their God is real, regardless of who they worship. So what makes me right? So confusing, i need to find Erica and talk to her soon.
Last night i went and watched Star Trek, and although i was nearly asleep for it, i found it enjoyable. I'm just happy i got to hang out with Dory and Em. I miss hanging out with my friends, it seems like whenever i am not busy, they are. It just doesn't seem to work out well for us to hang out anymore. I sometimes feel like i am losing my mind, like life just is running by me really fast. Then i look back and it seems like no time at all has passed. The other day, i realized that its been three years since a dear friend of mine, and my family's died. She pretty much saved my life, and when i think of it being three years since hers ended, i can't believe it. Without her i wouldn't be here now. I owe her so much, and yet i can never repay her. And when i think of other things in my life, and think of how long ago they occurred, it just seems unreal. And then i think of the last year, and how many things have changed, or even just in this year, 2009. So much is different, but it doesn't seem like time has gone by. Yet at the time, it seems like time is going by, really fast. That makes no sense. My brain is a mess right now, i apolgise.
Have you ever thought about the fact that God is supposed to be like a father? And yet, in todays society, thats not a good picture. Fathers nowadays are not necessarily a good thing. My own dad is an alcoholic,absent, former druggie, and he didn't want me. His replacement, my step father, is an opinionated, judgmental, abusive type person. So if God is supposed to be like a father, why would anybody want that? But i have been fortunate enough to have father-type figures in my life, to set a better example of what a real father should be like. I always wanted to be able to get out of my family, out of this life i was given. I'm glad now that i didn't succeed in that, i think now that fathers are good things, just not many people have had good ones. Anyways, i am going to be off now, since i am not making any sense even to myself, let alone anybody else. Alright? Good night!
My music is playing at the moment, obviously, and i have to say... my playlist is extremely random. However, i cannot live without music, and sometimes i am a random person, so i suppose it makes sense, somehow.
So, it turns out, i get to go to South Carolina with my Grandma, for a wedding, and i am pretty pumped about that. I have never seen the ocean, and i'm really hoping that will get to. Unfortunately, this trip will involve going to a wedding, which i normally find boring. I'm really hoping my Grandma doesn't make me dance. She tends to guilt trip me into doing things, although i can typically avoid them, i'm not sure if i'll be able to avoid this one. Mostly because she would get her relatives to help her. It is my mom's cousins wedding. I haven't seen Tom in probably 5 years. I haven't the slightest idea who all i will know there, but maybe i will be able to skip out on the wedding early and just go work on my tan or something. I am hoping to be able to even get a tan. Anything is possible, right? I plan on spending lots of time outside that weekend, trying to get some sun. I need a haircut too, i really, really need to call Tiff, to get it worked on. I am also thinking of adding pink back into my hair, it was fun, and i liked it. Regardless of what everybody else thought. Unfortunately it stays in my hair for a very long time. I think it was a week or two before thanksgiving that i dies it last, and it just left a few weeks ago.. so yeah, a long time. Emily told me i am not allowed to dye it again by myself though, so if i do i will have to have her do it for me. Apparently she was not a fan. Oh well, it was fun :D
I am talking to my friend Miles right now, about some pretty heavy stuff. Unforunately, we are talking via facebook chat. As the majority of people know.. facebook chat is moronic. We are talking about heaven and hell, religion in general. I asked her soe questions that have been on my mind lately. It turns out she hasn't got the answers either. I hadn't ever really thought about some stuff, until a few days ago, when it was brought to my attention. It just makes me think about why i believe God is real, and why the God i worship is the real one. So many people, from so many religions believe the same thing. That their God is real, regardless of who they worship. So what makes me right? So confusing, i need to find Erica and talk to her soon.
Last night i went and watched Star Trek, and although i was nearly asleep for it, i found it enjoyable. I'm just happy i got to hang out with Dory and Em. I miss hanging out with my friends, it seems like whenever i am not busy, they are. It just doesn't seem to work out well for us to hang out anymore. I sometimes feel like i am losing my mind, like life just is running by me really fast. Then i look back and it seems like no time at all has passed. The other day, i realized that its been three years since a dear friend of mine, and my family's died. She pretty much saved my life, and when i think of it being three years since hers ended, i can't believe it. Without her i wouldn't be here now. I owe her so much, and yet i can never repay her. And when i think of other things in my life, and think of how long ago they occurred, it just seems unreal. And then i think of the last year, and how many things have changed, or even just in this year, 2009. So much is different, but it doesn't seem like time has gone by. Yet at the time, it seems like time is going by, really fast. That makes no sense. My brain is a mess right now, i apolgise.
Have you ever thought about the fact that God is supposed to be like a father? And yet, in todays society, thats not a good picture. Fathers nowadays are not necessarily a good thing. My own dad is an alcoholic,absent, former druggie, and he didn't want me. His replacement, my step father, is an opinionated, judgmental, abusive type person. So if God is supposed to be like a father, why would anybody want that? But i have been fortunate enough to have father-type figures in my life, to set a better example of what a real father should be like. I always wanted to be able to get out of my family, out of this life i was given. I'm glad now that i didn't succeed in that, i think now that fathers are good things, just not many people have had good ones. Anyways, i am going to be off now, since i am not making any sense even to myself, let alone anybody else. Alright? Good night!
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